Ina hol n d ground der livD a hbbt. nt a nsty, drty, wet hol, filD W d ends of wrms n an oozy smel, nor yt a dry, bare, sndy hol W Ø n it 2 sit dwn on or 2 e@: twas a hbbt-hol, n dat means cmfrt.
What’s that? You say you’ve absolutely no idea what I just wrote? Dash it, man! Don’t you recognize the opening paragraph of The Hobbit? What were you raised on, the Hardy Boys? People these days…
What’s that? You say that what I wrote is most emphatically not the first paragraph of Tolkien’s famous work? Well of course it is, you antediluvian clod! I just translated it into texting lingo!
What’s that? You say you want me to write in plain, honest-to-goodness English? Golly, how old-fashioned you are! But I suppose if I must…
In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
Satisfied, you traditionalist primate? Now my fingers are aching because I had to type out all those extra vowels! Thnx a lot!
THE INK SLINGER 