People tell me we’re the most advanced civilization to come along since… well, forever. One need only consider our inability to hang toilet paper correctly on the roll to know this is not true.
People tell me that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Unless they die. From a toenail infection. Or something.
People tell me I should wear a bullet-proof vest before heading into a gunfight. They clearly have not grasped the most fundamental purpose of chest hair.
People tell me the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. This could mean one of two things: 1) a man’s figurative heart is most surely won by good cooking; or 2) a man’s literal heart is most surely stopped by poisoning his food.
People tell me that absence makes the heart grow fonder. As someone once pointed out: if this is indeed the case, then a lot of people must really love the church.
People tell me that boys will be boys. And I think to myself, Duh, what else could they possibly be?
People tell me I should stop shunning Justin Bieber’s music and “just give it a chance already.” So I am – and it’s even worse than I thought. I need a band-aid for my ears.
People tell me Nicolas Cage is starring in the Left Behind reboot. I usually respond with Revelation 22:20: “He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus.” Preferably before this abomination arrives in theaters.