‘In Libya the Giants told the gods to scram
The boss god they worship there has horns like a ram
‘Cuz Jupiter laid low as the leader of a flock
And Delius his homey really got a shock
When the Giants left him with no place to go:
“Fuggedabout Apollo – make me a crow!”
And if you believe that Phoebus was a wuss
His sister Phoebus turned into a puss
Bacchus takes refuge in the skin of a goat
And Juno as a cow with a snow-white coat
Venus the queen of the downtown scene, yuh know what her wish is?
“Gimme a body just like a fish’s”
Mercury takes on an ibis’s shape
And that’s how the mighty (cheep cheep) gods escape’
If you’re thinking “rap song lyrics”, think again: this passage is actually taken from Book V of Ovid’s Metamorphoses (translated by Charles Martin). I kid thee not. You’re a better man than I if you can read it with a straight face.