People Ask Me, or More Semi-Serious Randomonium

To the Uninitiated: this is the follow-up to a previously-written post, available here.

People ask me what my name is. If I tell them my real name, they inevitably spell it wrong. If I tell them my name is Ink, it’s easier for them to spell, but they look at me funny. I can’t win.

People ask me if I like Justin Bieber’s music. Do chickens have teeth? No? Okay, then.

People ask me if I’m “socialized,” being a homeschooler and all. Here are three viable responses: 1) Do you even know what that word means? or 2) You really have no idea what homeschooling is, do you? or 3) No ma’am, my parents keep me locked up under the house 364 days of the year. Today’s my off day.

People ask me if “ink slinger” means I run a tattoo parlor. I usually don’t respond to that one. I just stare in a way calculated to make them feel really, really dumb.

People ask me what sport I most enjoy playing. That’s an easy one: rugby. Rugby is like football… except that it makes football look like a game for wimps and snails.

People ask me if I support gun control. As a matter of fact, I do: two hands, finger off the trigger, muzzle downrange, sights on the target… and make sure you hit what you’re aiming at. Saavy?

People ask me if God has a sense of humor. I think He does. He made the rhinoceros, didn’t He? “It is one thing,” writes Chesterton, “to describe an interview with a gorgon or a griffin, a creature who does not exist. It is another thing to discover that the rhinoceros does exist and then take pleasure in the fact that he looks as if he didn’t.”

People ask me what it’s like to be the eldest of eight (soon to be nine) children. I tell them to hold that thought – they can read the answer in my autobiography.

People ask me what my hobbies are. I tell them I like to read and write, and they smile and nod. I tell them I also like to throw knives and shoot guns… and they call Social Services. Or they would, except I don’t miss.

People ask me why I blog. There are a number of answers to that question, but I like Douglas Wilson’s the best: “I blog to make the voices in my head go away.”

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48 thoughts on “People Ask Me, or More Semi-Serious Randomonium”

  1. *applauds* This was as good as the first! :D I love it! Especially the socialized + homeschooler gag. I get a kick out of those every time. I like your take on gun control; that’s pretty much how I control ’em too.

    So when is this autobiography of yours scheduled for release? I’d like to pre-order a dozen copies.

        1. And if it’s “potentially volatile”, you could always plead that the book is actually a new line of fire starters, as well as reading material for the stout of heart. :D

  2. Loved this and love the word “randomonium.” We also homeschooled (our daughter just graduated from college) and my answer to the “socialization” question was: “So which part of the socialization process in our government schools is Hannah missing–the violence, the drugs, the sex, the bad language, the bullies, the gangs, the pressure to drink? Just wondering. . .” People always gave me that “deer in the headlights” look and then changed the subject. Worked every time. Keep up the good work–you give homeschoolers a good name!

  3. Only one day?? You poor fish, I get a whole week out. ;)
    Love the gun control bit!
    And of course this would explain why Social Services thinks it’s been getting prank called lately.

  4. This pretty much made my day :) Thanks so much.

    And by the way, I feel compelled to mention that I am in the minority who would actually spell your name right the first time around ;)

  5. Great post! I love your response re: socialization. I usually respond with something polite and vague because a statement about the Borg and public education wouldn’t go over too well.

  6. I have the same name problem you have except people normally scoot slowly away after I tell them. Why do think this is?

  7. Or I tell them I also like to throw knives. then they scoot away. Or they would, except I don’t miss. Right Good Buddy? ;)

  8. Great post!

    So out of curiosity, how do people spell your name wrong? Do they leave out the e? Almost no one ever gets my name spelled right either, unless they’ve known me for a long time. :)

  9. Great post, Inque!
    See, I can spell it wrong AND have a chance to look at you funny! :P

    I tell them I also like to throw knives and shoot guns… and they call Social Services. Or they would, except I don’t miss. That’s the dark, twisted sense of humor from your previous post… I hope. Or maybe not. I’d better get away before you get it into your head that I want to call Social Services. ;)

    1. “Great post, Inque! See, I can spell it wrong AND have a chance to look at you funny!’ I told you: I can’t win. ;)

      Yeah, my dark and twisted sense of humor has a tendency to show through in my writing. And don’t worry: as long as you don’t make any sudden moves toward the phone, you’re safe. :)

  10. That was awesome! And true…rugby…that’s a real man’s game. Being from Texas, I’ve rarely seen it, and never live. Dude…those guys don’t wear pads. American football is a sissy game in comparison. I’ve always said that “rugby” is British for “kill the man with the ball.” I also like the Chesterton quote. I really need to read him.

    1. I live in New Mexico, so I really don’t get to see it that often, much less participate. I got to play it for the first time during my vacation in Mexico. Talk about having a blast. :)

  11. I agree with your method of gun control. ;)

    Do you really throw knives? :D I think knives are very cool, but I’ve never met someone who’s actually thrown them (professionally ;) ).

  12. People ask me what my hobbies are. I tell them I like to read and write, and they smile and nod. I tell them I also like to throw knives and shoot guns… and they call Social Services. Or they would, except I don’t miss.

    Love it!

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