People tell me I shouldn’t confine myself to a single point of view. So today I’m walking around with only one of my contact lenses in. “I see dead people… at least, I think I do.”
People tell me they could never believe in a God who ______ (insert least favorite divine attribute). Apparently, they’re under the assumption that God cares what they think. That He ought to ask them which of His attributes they find acceptable and then scrap the ones that aren’t. An amusing concept, no? And guess who’s going to have the last laugh? “He who sits in the heavens shall laugh; the LORD shall hold them in derision.” (Psa. 2:4)
People tell me that where there’s a will, there’s a way. I’m not so sure. Willing myself to stay airborne after jumping off the Empire State Building isn’t going to keep my carcass intact when it hits the pavement. They’ll be scraping me off Fifth Avenue with a putty-knife
People tell me the universe is meaningless. And that puzzles me. Because if the universe is meaningless, how did they find out that it’s meaningless? Reminds me of something Lewis once wrote: “If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.”
People tell me that those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. I don’t live in a glass house, but I do like to throw stones – at other people’s glass houses.
People tell me it’s crazy to believe that God created the world. These are the same people, mind you, who believe that the world came into existence through a cosmic explosion. A Big Bang. Their best and brightest think Michael Bay had something to do with it.
People tell me that reading fiction isn’t worthwhile. “I only have time for the truth,” they say, and it’s easy to see that they think very highly of this slipshod reasoning. Frankly, I’m not sure how to respond. Do I offer them an explanation? Do I laugh? Do I tell them to go away and grow up? Or do I unleash my inner Hulk and render them incapable of further stupidity?
People tell me not to count my chickens before they hatch. But I have no choice. I’m making breakfast, and I have to make sure I scramble the right number of eggs.
People tell me everyone deserves a second chance. Which makes me wonder what they’ve been drinking, because that really makes no sense. Giving someone a second chance is giving them grace. And nobody “deserves” that. The two words don’t belong in the same sentence together. For that matter (as my pastor so wisely pointed out), it’s only by grace – God’s grace – that we get a first chance. And it’s only by God’s grace that we get it right. “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” (Eph. 2:8-9)
People tell me the early bird gets the worm. I beg to differ. The early bird doesn’t get anything if I shoot him from my bedroom window.
People also tell me I’ve got a dark, twisted sense of humor. To which I say, Drop dead.
THE INK SLINGER 
When people tell me they don’t read fiction, I roll my eyeballs around and around—it drives me a bit crazy.
That makes two of us, then. I want to ask such people how their career as a comedian is going… :)
I don’t understand how you can manage to put up such awesome stuff almost every day. Thanks :)
I try, man, I try. :) Thanks for the encouragement!
Lol! This was amazing! As far as the humor, clearly they have a dark and twisted definition of humor.
I’m not sure when I should break it you that you really did see dead people….. ;)
… which means that I’m dead, too. Interesting. That might account for my sense of humor and fascination with the macabre. ;)
People say,”Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” As if the egg didn’t need a chicken to sit on it so it can incubate.
People worry me…
You posted another totally awesome one Corey..lol.:)
C.C.T.
LOL! Thanks, man! I appreciate the comment! :)
Could you do my twisted sense of humor a favour and make this kind of post a regular occurrence on your blog? :D That was hilarious! I could do with a dose of “what people tell me” every week. :D
Haha! We’ll see… people tell me enough things that I’m sure I could get several more posts out of ’em. Glad you enjoyed it so much – it was fun to write. :)
Maybe you’re just the sort of person who needs a lot of telling-to. ;) Join the club….
LIKE! For lack of a more creative way to express my agreement and amusement…
I’ll take it. ;)
I know much of this was meant in jest, but I can’t help responding a little to your second point:
I used to feel this way too. But now I’ve come to realize that there’s a disconnect between this view of what people are doing and what they’re actually doing. Let me use a specific example. You’ve heard people say “I could never believe in a God who sends people to Hell.” They don’t say this because they think they know better than God, or because they think God should care what they think. They’re saying it because such a God doesn’t seem to fit the definition of heavenly father, all-loving, merciful, just, righteous, and good. They also aren’t being rebellious, so the idea of God laughing at their “error” and subsequent punishment is another character trait that doesn’t seem to fit the definition we’re given of God.
Again, I know this wasn’t your most serious post, so I apologize if my comment seems a little too heavy.
No worries, mate. :)
They don’t say this because they think they know better than God, or because they think God should care what they think. They’re saying it because such a God doesn’t seem to fit the definition of heavenly father, all-loving, merciful, just, righteous, and good.
“Definitions” is where everything gets sticky. When people say they could never believe in a God who does ______, then you’re right – they say that because the attribute in question doesn’t square with their idea of God. And by doing this, they’re saying that they do know better than God, because they know how to define Him better than He defines Himself (in Scripture).
Of course, all this raises other questions etc, etc, etc… a theological debate isn’t something I really want to get into at this moment, but I appreciate your comment. I hope what I said helps to clarify my point. :) Thanks for stopping by!
I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Keep up the good work, Corey!
Thanks, Persis! :)
“People tell me everyone deserves a second chance. Which makes me wonder what they’ve been drinking, because that really makes no sense.”
That’s almost like my pet peeve: The phrase “It’s Not Fair”. Of course it’s not fair. “Fair” means “Just”. If it were just, you’d be in Hell, and I don’t think that’s what you mean when you whine that ‘it’s not fair’. Of course, when most people say that, they mean “It’s not equal”. But does that sound that wonderful? Everybody being equal? Equal judgement, equal hellfire, equal everything?
Grrrrr…..
Exactly. :|
People are good at whining about things they don’t really understand.
That was so hilarious! I died laughing!!
Does that mean I’m talking to your… ghost? Gosh. I am seeing dead people, one contact lens or no. ;)
That. Was. Fantastic.
Thank. You. Very. Much. Abby. :)
Your blog is the most “non-normal” of any I read, and this post is the perfect example of why! It’s humorous, yet your honest faith in a Sovereign Creator God is evident! Excellent reading Corey~~
Stephanie
Normal is overrated. ;) Thanks for reading, Stephanie!
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Right. :D
Dear Inkslinger,
Grace and peace in Christ Jesus!
There is one quote from C.S. Lewis that is actually very true “Any amount of theology can now be smuggled into peoples minds under the cover of fiction without them knowing it.” Letter to Sister Penelope, July 9,1939
To ban fiction is ludicrous, but wisdom and discernment is sorely lacking (for most:).
“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewed as serpents and innocent as doves.” Matthew 10:16
“For the Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity.” Psalm 2:6&7
May God continue to bless you with His wisdom to glorify Him. Blessings in Christ alone, charisse
I like that Lewis quote, too. :) Fiction can be used for good or ill, but my comment was primarily aimed at those who denigrate it with remarks like, “Well, my time is precious. Why waste it on stories that aren’t even true?” The opposite of truth isn’t fiction; the opposite of truth is fact. And a story can be truthful without being factual.
Thanks for stopping by, Charisse. As always, I appreciate your comments. :)
I happen to like your dark, twisted sense of humor. And who wants a worm, anyway? Bleah.
Well, I’m glad to hear at least some of my readers appreciate that aspect of my personality. :)
do I unleash my inner Hulk and render them incapable of further stupidity?
For some reason this appeals to me. :D
With a name like yours, that really does not surprise me. ;)
Loved this one as well! Looking forward to more in the future!
‘Ello, I have been stalking in the deepest corners of you blog, lately. Sounds creepy I know but I don’t mean for it to be.
Anyways, I just wanted to say that I enjoyed you post immensely. Quite hysterical.
~Athena~
LOL! So I’m being stalked? Is that what you’re saying? ;) Glad you enjoyed the post!
:P Not exactly, more so your writings then anything else. You seem to know how to express yourself really well through your posts. I enjoy reading blogs like that
Well, thanks – I enjoy writing, so if my readers enjoy reading, it’s a win-win situation. :)