Dear Reader

Dear Reader,

I would be most grateful if you would assist me in answering a profound and troubling question. I have thought on it, wrestled with it, and puzzled over it – and still, I am unable to arrive at a satisfactory solution. Riddle me this:

Spanking a 5-year-old for disobedience is an unpardonable form of child abuse. Attending a violent, gritty R-rated movie with your youngster in tow is, however, a perfectly acceptable way to parent. Why?

Please help. If you know the answer, or think you do, drop me a line in the comments section. I’m almost at the end of my rope. Passing this test is vital if I am to receive my BA in follies and nonsense (F/N).

Sincerely yours,


20 thoughts on “Dear Reader”

  1. Hmm. This is a most delicate subject upon which we must tread lightly if we are avoid the criticisms of… well, let’s just say a certain party.

    I, for one, believe that no one has the right to tell me if I can or can’t spank my child. So, my opinion on that matter is that I don’t categorize that into ‘child abuse’ in the least. My parents spanked me and I turned out alright, I think.

    On the R-rated movies.. well, why not? I mean, isn’t it best to just go ahead and dunk those innocent minds into that sort of thing early on? We’re going to let them watch it sometime, so why not now? Let’s turn their brains to mush, while we’re at it, so the government can easily get their lies into them-, er, I mean, so we can teach them more easily…….

    I hope that helps to sort this out for you.

  2. Well, theoretically, I suppose when you spank a child you are possibly harming him/her physically. Allowing said child to watch violence is not hurting him/her physically. There is the aspect of mental/spiritual harm, but I don’t suppose the people issuing this degree have thought of that. You must cut them some slack, for after all, their specialty is godless idiocy…

  3. This phenomena is part of the New Law and reads as follows: Thou shalt treat thy child as thy would a college room mate that he may always be thy buddy.

    I’m working on codifying this New Law and will let you know when I have it finished.

    Yes — good question. My brother once stopped a couple who were taking their 5-year-old son in to see Straw Dogs. He warned them about the violence of the movie; they were angry and went in anyway. He saw them on the way out and the little boy was vomiting in the drinking fountain.

    1. The New Law? Well, you don’t say! Thanks for filling me in! ;) Seriously though… Straw Dogs? You’ve got to be kidding me. Of all the R-rated movies to take your child to, that has to be one of the worst options. Kudos to your brother for being bold enough to say something.

  4. Let’s see, the answer has got to be that three-letter word. What was it? It’s right there on the tip of my tongue. But something is keeping my neuronal synapses from firing… But why? What is there to fear? It has to do with judgement or something, another term that’s been ostracized for the benefit of our freedom of choice, self-esteem, comfort and such. I hear it happened some time ago. (I must not have been paying attention). Anyhoo, it (if I could only think of this teeny wee word) must be the answer. Sorry I couldn’t help. I know this though, that banished three-letter word, has become just as unpopular as spanking, if not more. Blessings!

  5. *shakes head*

    I’m not sure whether we’re all supposed to be joking or being serious, but we live in a fallen world, what can I say…..

    Oh, and I was spanked and, as far as I can tell, have turned out perfectly fine ;)

  6. Wait, what’s so confusing? It makes perfect sense to me. Oh dear, you’re not one of “those” people that believe that spanking is good for you? Spanking is like evil, man. Oh, and dude, it’s totally discriminatory to say that five year olds can’t go to R-rated movies, I mean, those movies were like made for those kids.


  7. It’s a case of bruising the conscience, or bruising the heart. A bruised conscience will smart for a while until it learns a lesson, and then heal. After which, this lesson will remain with the child through their entire life and be a source of help to them.

    A bruised heart, however, though it may appear healed, will scar. It will run deep in the child’s life and will effect them in ways that may hinder them later on in life.

    Any adult with any sense who was once spanked (rightfully) should be able to look back and say honestly, “Yes, I deserved it.” I know I do, and I wouldn’t trade the lessons learned from these instances for a painless past. :D Proverbs 23:13-14

  8. If you get the answer please let me know Corey.. how about this one:

    Spanking a 5-year-old for disobedience is an unpardonable form of child abuse. But killing them 5 yrs and 6 months earlier is okay.

    Please come and rescues us Lord.

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