Regular and not-so-regular readers of this blog may or may not have noticed that it has maintained a (rather abnormal) radio silence for the past week or so. Lest you think I was playing hooky, I assure you that there is a satifactory explanation:
A zombie uprising struck my hometown, resulting in massive destruction, a power outage, and 8 days of fierce urban combat. My previously-written paper on how to prepare for such an event came in handy, and in the end, the living triumphed through
determination and, er, superior brain power.
Our desperate, no-holds-bar fighting tactics also helped. The undead were dispatched by bullet, blade, fire, and squirt gun. I killed two with a fountain pen and brained another with my copy of Strong’s
Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible.
Grisly stuff, to be sure. But you’ve really no idea how hard it
is to kill someone who is, technically speaking, already dead.
I fib, says you. Correct, says I.
The real, true, honest-to-goodness reason for my absence is more simple but equally chilling: I travelled to Utah. Salt Lake City, to be exact. Otherwise known as “Mormonville” and “Smithtopia”. I may not have encountered zombies per se, but the place was literally crawling with people dead in trespasses and sins.
For my part, here are a few facts you may or may not have known about SLC:
- the people of there seldom smile. As far as I could tell during my weeklong visit, they try to outdo each other with the dour looks. I think a hearty dose of Wodehouse is in order.
- the city is home to one of the best restaurants
on the planetin the galaxy: the Ruby River Steakhouse. (The food is rather pricey, but for a once-in-a-while treat, it’s hard to beat.) Among other dishes, there’s “the Oscar” – a choice steak grilled to perfection, then topped with snow crab meat, asparagus, and a special Bernaise sauce. And it’s every bit as good as it sounds.
- it’s set up on a grid system… which means that the addresses are sorta wierd. You won’t find anything like 720 Gateway Center Drive there, but you will find plenty similar to this one: 2185 West 2200 South.
And finally, just as a random thought, I would imagine suicide attempts in Salt Lake are rather rare. It’s hard to drown yourself when all that salt keeps you bobbing back to the surface.