11 Ways to Prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse

1. If you happen to reside in a big city like New York, Atlanta, or Denver… clear out as soon as you possibly can. When the dead rise, the last place you want to be on God’s green earth is in a densely-populated area, stuck in traffic, with infected neighbors crawling all over your flimsy little Hybrid .

2. Purchase – or better yet, build – a house high up in the mountains, perferrably in a wooded area. Zombies will have a harder time getting at you, and huntable game will be more abundant.

3. Rig your yard with plenty of pitfalls, booby-traps, and barbed wire. Explosives are handy, too, if you can find some. Just be sure to warn guests, lest they be impaled, crushed, eviscerated, or otherwise harmed when they set foot on your property.

4. Clear the ground closest to your house of all trees and brushwood; if the undead get past your gauntlet of death, you’ll want to have a clear shot at them.

5. Seek out and establish a secondary place of residence to which you may retreat should your first abode be overrun. A concrete bunker sunk deep in a hillside is not a bad idea.

6. Stock up on canned and dehydrated foods, clean water, and medical supplies. Be sure to distribute these supplies wisely between your primary and secondary hideaways.

7. Don’t forget your private cache of weapons and ammo. There will be times when running simply isn’t an option. Grab up rifles, assault rifles, submachine guns, shotguns, handguns, flamethrowers, bazookas, and grenades – anything that flings lead, fire, or shrapnel. Chainsaws are overrated: if it comes to close quarter combat with the undead – and trust me, you don’t want that – machetes, baseball bats, axes, and shovels are your best bet.

8. Hunting will likely become your primary way of getting food, so hone your ability to find and track game. Get used to shooting a bow: it allows the hunter to kill game silently and you can reuse the arrows. Only use guns as a last resort. Zombies are attracted to loud noises.

9. If there are other people living in your neck of the woods, get to know them. Learn their habits and personality traits. Most important of all, be friendly. Work together, if possible. If your neighbor has a bone to pick with you and then has the misfortune to be infected, he may go after your brains with especial zeal.

10. Small cars have no place in a world swarming with brain-crunching zombies. Ditch the  Beetle and get yourself a big ol’ truck with fourwheel drive – the type of vehicle that will permit you to run over zombies and rapidly traverse harsh, mountainous terrain. Something like this would fit the specifications perfectly.

11. Read, read, read. Study fiction like Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend and non-fiction like Max Brook’s The Zombie Survival Guide. Besides that, devour as much good literature as you can. Experts suggest that zombies will most likely avoid bibliophiles.

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25 thoughts on “11 Ways to Prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse”

  1. “Experts suggest that zombies will most likely avoid bibliophiles.”

    Whew! That’s a relief. But then again, if they are after brains wouldn’t they go for one with more in it?

    1. From “Zombies & You” by Dr. Robert Neville (ch. 18, pg. 324): “Bibliophile brains are much harder for the undead to stomach, and have been known to cause severe indigestion. Zombies prefer to feed upon the brains of less intelligent beings, such as liberal politicians.”

      1. “Zombies prefer to feed upon the brains of less intelligent beings, such as liberal politicians.”

        Ain’t that the truth! But the politicians may already be infected.

      2. “Zombies prefer to feed upon the brains of less intelligent beings, such as liberal politicians.”

        BAHAHAHAHA!

        Makes more sense. Thanks.

          1. Ha ha. Well, there *is* an awful lot of Biblical evidence for that, isn’t there? You are surely well grounded to believe that. Hee hee! I have heard that there are a lot of folks that do believe in that, but I’ve never met anyone who does, that I know of…….until now. :D Man, are you askin’ for it or what?

          2. I’ve never met anyone who believes in the undead either. Except me. But that doesn’t count… :)

            Seriously though, I greatly enjoy the genres of sci-fi and apocalyptic fiction, so you can see why zombies interest me.

          3. The only sci-fi book I’ve ever read is Martin Selbrede’s book Hidden in Plain Sight. I sometimes have the dangerous tendency to believe what I read, so that was interesting–ha! But it was a interesting book, even if I didn’t agree with all his theology.

  2. Haha, nice. Finally somebody who agrees that chainsaws are overrated. Way too slow and they require too much maintenance :)

  3. “Experts suggest that zombies will most likely avoid bibliophiles.” Now, how do we really know that Ink hasn’t been infected? Mike may be on to something. And please don’t hide where Ink is telling you to hide, just to be on the safe side. Arrrggg! And I so loved that kid!!!

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