The Wit and Wisdom of Terry Pratchett

images-49“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch, PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH’, the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry.”

“If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember.”

“Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.”

“If you trust in yourself… and believe in your dreams… and follow your star… you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.”

“Of course I’m sane. When trees start talking to me, I don’t talk back.”

“There’s no such thing as writer’s block. That was invented by people in California who couldn’t write.”

“I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there’s evidence of any thinking going on inside it.”

“If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting ‘All gods are bastards!’”

“Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom.”

“He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk.”

“Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a red flag to a bu… was like putting something very annoying in front of someone who was annoyed by it.”

“She got on with her education. In her opinion, school kept on trying to interfere with it.”

“Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The goal is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.”

“Steal five dollars and you’re a common thief. Steal thousands and you’re either the government or a hero.”

“I don’t think I’ve drunk enough beer to understand that.”

“Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.”

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About the Ink Slinger

19 years young. Redeemed sinner. Compulsive reader. Avid writer. Very muchly in love with the most beautiful girl on the face of the earth.
This entry was posted in Humor, Quotes and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to The Wit and Wisdom of Terry Pratchett

  1. Madison says:

    I thought only Wodehouse wrote like that………..*laughing* Those are great!

  2. W. R. Woolf says:

    Terry Pratchett writes some wonderful things :)

    I just began reading Interesting Times. On the first page it says:
    “There is a curse.
    They say:
    May You Live in Interesting Times”

  3. Bev says:

    One of my all time favorites is from “The Last Hero” as Rincewind unwillingly volunteers for a special mission: “I’ve been living my life for a long time. I know how it works.” Could be my theme song….

  4. BushMaid says:

    Never read anything by Terry Pratchett till now. Those are hilarious. :D

  5. Love the fourth quote.

    Highly offended by the second one. ;)

  6. Lady Amy says:

    Love it, can’t wait to get my hands on Pratchett, haven’t read him in years.
    And no, when trees start talking I don’t talk back, but I’ve always been a sucker for grass. I know I shouldn’t but they have such an amazing vocabulary… :)

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